Mentor Debates
Watch great minds clash on life's biggest questions. Cast your vote for who makes the better mentor.
8 debates found
My brother stole $30,000 from our elderly mother while he was addicted to opioids. He's now three years sober, has a steady job, and has been paying her back slowly. He wants to come to Christmas this year. My mother has forgiven him. I haven't. I was the one who discovered the theft. I was the one who had to tell our mother. I watched her cry and ask what she did wrong. I covered her bills while she was short. My brother never thanked me or even acknowledged what I did. My mother says I'm holding onto anger that only hurts me. My therapist says forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting. My brother says he "can't change the past" and wishes I'd "move on." I don't know how to forgive someone who hasn't really apologized. Is forgiveness something I owe him, or something he needs to earn? — Still Angry in Akron
Jesus Christ
"Forgive, for they know not what they do—mercy frees the giver as much as the receiver"
46 votes
Jean Valjean
"Redemption is possible, but it requires acknowledgment of harm done"
49 votes
95 votes total
I'm 31 and unmarried which is fine with me but devastating to my parents. Every phone call is about grandchildren. Every visit involves being shown profiles of "nice boys" from their community. They've started saying things like "we won't be around forever" and "don't you want us to see you settled?" The thing is, I'm happy. I have a career I love, great friends, and I'm dating someone my parents wouldn't approve of (different religion, divorced, has kids). I know they'd be heartbroken if they knew. I'm exhausted by the pressure but I also love my parents and understand they come from a different world. I don't want to hurt them, but I also don't want to live my life according to their expectations. How do I honor my parents while also living my own life? Do I tell them about my boyfriend or keep protecting them from disappointment? — Between Two Worlds in Boston
Elizabeth Bennet
"True partnership requires mutual respect—including respect for your own judgment"
43 votes
Confucius
"The family is the foundation of society—honor your relationships even when difficult"
48 votes
91 votes total
My sister's husband is emotionally abusive. He doesn't hit her, but he controls the money, isolates her from friends, and criticizes everything she does. When I've tried to help, he turns it around—suddenly I'm the problem, I'm "interfering," I'm "jealous of their marriage." I've tried being gentle and supportive with my sister. I've tried having a direct conversation with him. I've tried getting my parents involved. Nothing works. She defends him every time. Part of me wants to confront him publicly at the next family gathering—force everyone to see what's happening. Part of me wonders if that would just make things worse for my sister. How do I help someone who won't admit they need help? Should I fight openly or keep working subtly? — Watching Her Disappear in Detroit
Mahatma Gandhi
"Be the change—your patient, loving presence may be the lifeline she needs"
39 votes
Sun Tzu
"Know your enemy and choose your battlefield—direct confrontation plays to his strengths"
47 votes
86 votes total
My 16-year-old daughter is incredibly talented—straight A's, varsity athlete, natural leader. She's also becoming insufferably arrogant. Last week she said her classmates were "too stupid to bother with" and dismissed her grandmother's advice because "she never went to college." I want her to succeed—I sacrificed a lot to give her opportunities I never had. But I'm watching her become someone I don't like. She has no humility, no gratitude, no compassion for people who weren't given her advantages. Did I do this? By pushing her to achieve, did I accidentally teach her that achievement is all that matters? How do I instill character in a teenager who already thinks she's better than everyone? — Frankenstein's Parent in Phoenix
Margaret Carnegie
"Instill values that will outlast you—achievement without character is hollow"
43 votes
Confucius
"Cultivate virtue in yourself before seeking to change others—model what you wish to teach"
42 votes
85 votes total
I just got tenure at a research university. It took everything: 80-hour weeks, missing weddings and funerals, and—I'm ashamed to admit—a failed marriage. My ex said I "chose my career over us." Now I'm on the other side. I have the job I always wanted. But I'm 35, single, and wondering if I want children. If I do, the window is closing. If I don't, I need to make peace with that now. My mother tells me I "have it all" and should be grateful. My sister (stay-at-home mom, three kids) says I "missed the point." My therapist says there are no wrong choices. I find none of this helpful. Was the sacrifice worth it? Can I have both a meaningful career AND a family, or is that a lie we tell young women? If I have to choose, how do I choose? — Tenured But Lonely in Tucson
Marie Curie
"Nothing in life is to be feared, only to be understood—including your own choices"
40 votes
Abigail Adams
"A strong partnership requires two independent minds united in purpose"
39 votes
79 votes total
I'm 34 and everyone around me is getting married except me. I've had three serious relationships that all ended around the two-year mark when I "got cold feet." My therapist says I have an avoidant attachment style. My mother says I'm "too picky." Here's the thing: in each relationship, I noticed red flags early on that I ignored because I wanted it to work. Then later, I couldn't unsee them. My ex before last was condescending about my job. The one before that was still emotionally enmeshed with his mother. My most recent ex was kind but we had nothing to talk about. My friends say no one is perfect and I need to "learn to compromise." But am I being too picky, or am I actually seeing clearly when others are settling? How do I know if my standards are healthy or self-protective sabotage? — Clear-Eyed or Cold-Hearted in Chicago
Jane Austen
"True happiness in relationships requires both affection AND respect—never settle"
37 votes
George Eliot
"See people in their full complexity—villains have virtues, heroes have flaws"
40 votes
77 votes total
My wife and I have been married for five years, and we have been arguing constantly about finances lately. She wants to buy a bigger house because we are planning for kids, but I am extremely risk-averse and want to pay off our student loans before taking on a massive mortgage. Every time we try to talk about it, she shuts down and accuses me of not being committed to our future family, while I feel like she is ignoring the reality of interest rates. We are stuck in this cycle where we just yell and nothing gets resolved, and it's starting to affect our intimacy. Does anyone have advice on how to mediate financial disagreements when you have fundamentally different views on money?
Benjamin Franklin
"A penny saved is a penny earned—clear the debt before adding more"
42 votes
Abigail Adams
"A strong partnership requires two independent minds united in purpose"
49 votes
91 votes total
I’ve been seeing this guy for about three months, and things were going perfectly; we saw each other three times a week and he even introduced me to his sister. Last weekend, we went on a trip together, and ever since we got back, his texts have become one-word answers and he takes hours to reply. I asked him if everything was okay, and he said he’s just 'busy at work,' but I can see him active on Instagram posting stories. I really like him and don't want to come off as clingy or desperate, but the shift in energy is giving me major anxiety. Should I confront him about the distance and ask if he wants to break up, or should I just back off completely and wait for him to come to me?
Elizabeth Bennet
"Trust what you observe, not what you hope—his actions are speaking clearly"
36 votes
Jane Austen
"Beware the stories we tell ourselves—your anxiety may be writing fiction"
35 votes
71 votes total