Marie Curie

I just got tenure at a research university. It took everything: 80-hour weeks, missing out on having a social life, and possibly resulted in a failed marriage. My husband said I "chose my career over us." Now I'm on the other side of all that. I have the job I always wanted. But I'm 35, single, and wondering if I want children. If I do, the window is closing. If I don't, I need to make peace with that now. My mother tells me I "have it all" and should be grateful. My sister (stay-at-home mom, three kids) says I "missed the point." My therapist says there are no wrong choices. I find none of this helpful. Was the sacrifice worth it? Can I have both a meaningful career AND a family, or is that a lie we tell young women? If I have to choose, how do I choose?

81 votes

I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis two years ago. Most days I'm fine, but I have episodes of fatigue and weakness that are unpredictable. I never know when my body will betray me. Before the diagnosis, I was training for an Ironman. Now I can barely finish a 5K some days. I've had to scale back at work, cancel trips, disappoint people. Some people tell me to "listen to my body" and accept my limitations. Others say I should "fight through it" and not let the disease define me. My neurologist says both approaches have merit depending on the day. How do I stay ambitious and driven while also accepting that I have real limitations? Is it giving up to pace myself, or wisdom?

88 votes