John Calvin

I was a pastor for fifteen years. Last year, I had an affair. My wife found out, my congregation found out, and I lost everything—my marriage, my ministry, my reputation, my sense of who I am. I've repented. I believe I've been forgiven by God. But I don't know what to do with the rest of my life. Some people tell me that grace means I can start fresh—God's forgiveness is complete, and I shouldn't let my past define me. They point to other fallen pastors who've rebuilt ministries. "Grace covers all," they say. Others say that consequences are real, that discipline matters, that some doors close permanently when you violate trust. "Forgiveness doesn't mean restoration to leadership," they say. "Maybe your calling now is to serve quietly, to prove your repentance through years of faithful obscurity." I believe in grace. But I also know I broke something sacred. Do I trust that God can restore what I destroyed, or do I accept that some failures permanently change what's possible? — The Fallen Pastor in Nashville

57 votes

I work 70 hours a week. I'm successful—partner at my law firm by 38, well compensated, respected in my field. I'm also exhausted, my marriage is strained, and I see my kids mostly on weekends. When I try to cut back, I feel guilty. Part of this is practical—my position requires the hours. But part of it is deeper: I believe work is good. I believe I was put on this earth to use my abilities to their fullest. Coasting feels like sin. My therapist says I've "moralized" work in an unhealthy way. "Work is just work," she says. "It's a means to an end—money, security, maybe some satisfaction. But it's not a calling, and treating it as one lets your firm exploit you." But when I imagine working just enough to get by—doing adequate work, having adequate success, being an adequate lawyer—something in me rebels. That feels like a betrayal of the gifts I've been given. Is my dedication to work a virtue or a pathology? Is there meaning in labor itself, or am I fooling myself? — The Workaholic in Dallas

59 votes