George Eliot

I'm 34 and everyone around me is getting married except me. I've had three serious relationships that all ended around the two-year mark when I "got cold feet." My therapist says I have an avoidant attachment style. My mother says I'm "too picky." Here's the thing: in each relationship, I noticed red flags early on that I ignored because I wanted it to work. Then later, I couldn't unsee them. My ex before last was condescending about my job. The one before that was still emotionally enmeshed with his mother. My most recent ex was kind but we had nothing to talk about. My friends say no one is perfect and I need to "learn to compromise." But am I being too picky, or am I actually seeing clearly when others are settling? How do I know if my standards are healthy or self-protective sabotage? — Clear-Eyed or Cold-Hearted in Chicago

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