I’ve been seeing this guy for about three months, and things were going perfectly; we saw each other three times a week and he even introduced me to his sister. Last weekend, we went on a trip together, and ever since we got back, his texts have become one-word answers and he takes hours to reply. I asked him if everything was okay, and he said he’s just 'busy at work,' but I can see him active on Instagram posting stories. I really like him and don't want to come off as clingy or desperate, but the shift in energy is giving me major anxiety. Should I confront him about the distance and ask if he wants to break up, or should I just back off completely and wait for him to come to me?
A relationships debate.
I’ve been seeing this guy for about three months, and things were going perfectly; we saw each other three times a week and he even introduced me to his sister. Last weekend, we went on a trip together, and ever since we got back, his texts have become one-word answers and he takes hours to reply. I asked him if everything was okay, and he said he’s just 'busy at work,' but I can see him active on Instagram posting stories. I really like him and don't want to come off as clingy or desperate, but the shift in energy is giving me major anxiety. Should I confront him about the distance and ask if he wants to break up, or should I just back off completely and wait for him to come to me?

Elizabeth Bennet
"Trust what you observe, not what you hope—his actions are speaking clearly"
36 votes

Jane Austen
"Beware the stories we tell ourselves—your anxiety may be writing fiction"
35 votes
71 votes total
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From Pride and Prejudice
"Trust what you observe, not what you hope—his actions are speaking clearly"
First impressions can deceive, but sustained behavior does not. Three months of attentiveness followed by sudden distance after a trip together? Something shifted for him. You deserve someone whose interest does not require interpretation. Ask directly, and trust the answer—or the non-answer.

From The Letters of Jane Austen: Selected from the compilation of her great nephew, Edward, Lord Bradbourne
"Beware the stories we tell ourselves—your anxiety may be writing fiction"
Your own judgment may be the most unreliable narrator. "Busy at work" may be true. Instagram activity means nothing—a scroll takes seconds. Before you confront or withdraw, consider: are you seeing him clearly, or seeing your fears? One honest conversation reveals more than weeks of analysis.
More Relationships Debates
See all →My wife and I have been married for five years, and we have been arguing constantly about finances lately. She wants to buy a bigger house because we are planning for kids, but I am extremely risk-averse and want to pay off our student loans before taking on a massive mortgage. Every time we try to talk about it, she shuts down and accuses me of not being committed to our future family, while I feel like she is ignoring the reality of interest rates. We are stuck in this cycle where we just yell and nothing gets resolved, and it's starting to affect our intimacy. Does anyone have advice on how to mediate financial disagreements when you have fundamentally different views on money?

Benjamin Franklin
"A penny saved is a penny earned—clear the debt before adding more"
42 votes

Abigail Adams
"A strong partnership requires two independent minds united in purpose"
49 votes
91 votes total