I'm hiding who I am. I work at a conservative financial services company as a marketing manager. I'm also trans, but not out at work. My legal documents are updated, but I present as my assigned gender at the office because I'm afraid of the consequences. My company has a non-discrimination policy, but the culture is... traditional. Senior leaders make occasional jokes that make me wince. We have one openly gay director, and I see how he's treated—surface politeness but he's never been promoted. I'm exhausted from performing a fake version of myself eight hours a day. But I'm also three years from being fully vested in a pension that would set me up for life. If I come out and it goes badly, I might lose everything. Is authenticity worth the risk? Or is it reasonable to keep performing until I have financial security? — Hiding in Plain Sight in Hartford
The cost of authenticity. Wilde's radical self-expression meets Shaw's strategic provocation.
I'm hiding who I am. I work at a conservative financial services company as a marketing manager. I'm also trans, but not out at work. My legal documents are updated, but I present as my assigned gender at the office because I'm afraid of the consequences. My company has a non-discrimination policy, but the culture is... traditional. Senior leaders make occasional jokes that make me wince. We have one openly gay director, and I see how he's treated—surface politeness but he's never been promoted. I'm exhausted from performing a fake version of myself eight hours a day. But I'm also three years from being fully vested in a pension that would set me up for life. If I come out and it goes badly, I might lose everything. Is authenticity worth the risk? Or is it reasonable to keep performing until I have financial security? — Hiding in Plain Sight in Hartford
Oscar Wilde
"Be yourself—everyone else is already taken"
45 votes
George Bernard Shaw
"The reasonable person adapts; the unreasonable one changes the world—but timing matters"
39 votes
84 votes total
Full Positions
From Oscar Wilde, His Life and Confessions. Volume 2 (of 2)
"Be yourself—everyone else is already taken"
I know the cost of hiding, and I know the cost of not hiding. Most people are other people—their thoughts someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry. But I also lost everything for my authenticity. Only you can weigh whether three years of performance is worth a lifetime of security.
From George Bernard Shaw, his life and works : $b a critical biography (authorized)
"The reasonable person adapts; the unreasonable one changes the world—but timing matters"
Progress depends on the unreasonable. But martyrdom is not required for every cause. Secure your position, then use that security to change the culture for those who come after you. Strategic patience is not cowardice.