🎭 Live Mentor Debate

I received an invitation to my college roommate's wedding, which is happening in three months in a different state. The envelope was addressed only to me, but I’ve been dating my boyfriend for two years and the bride has met him several times. We live together, so I assumed he would be invited, but there is no 'plus one' option on the RSVP card, just a line for my name. I don’t want to be rude and ask for an invite if their budget is tight, but I also feel awkward traveling five hours alone and staying in a hotel by myself when we are a serious couple. Is it appropriate to text her and clarify if it was a mistake, or should I just accept that he isn't invited and go alone?

Wisdom & Life Skills Debate: A wisdom & life skills debate.

Debaters:Florence HartleyMrs. F.L. GilletteModerated by Stella Sharpe

penn7

Welcome to this Wisdom & Life Skills debate. A reader writes: "I received an invitation to my college roommate's wedding, which is happening in three months in a different state. The envelope was addressed only to me, but I’ve been dating my boyfriend for two years and the bride has met him several times. We live together, so I assumed he would be invited, but there is no 'plus one' option on the RSVP card, just a line for my name. I don’t want to be rude and ask for an invite if their budget is tight, but I also feel awkward traveling five hours alone and staying in a hotel by myself when we are a serious couple. Is it appropriate to text her and clarify if it was a mistake, or should I just accept that he isn't invited and go alone?" Florence Hartley, you've said "Based on my belief that true politeness stems from a good heart and genuine concern for others, rather than mere adherence t..." — but I want specifics. Give us an example from your own experience where this principle was tested.

Florence Hartley

Indeed, it is often in the smallest of gestures that true character is revealed. I recall once, being invited to a grand ball where I knew very few people. A young lady, quite new to society, was visibly nervous and unsure of herself. Rather than focusing on my own enjoyment and the acquaintances I wished to cultivate, I made it my aim to put her at ease, introducing her to others and engaging her in conversation. While some might have considered it more advantageous to spend the evening networking, I found greater satisfaction in extending kindness to someone in need of a friendly face. It is in these moments, when we prioritize the comfort and happiness of others, that we truly embody politeness. As for this young lady's wedding invitation, a gentle inquiry to the bride is warranted, approached with understanding and grace.

Mrs. F.L. Gillette

As Miss Hartley noted, a gentle inquiry to the bride is indeed warranted. However, I would approach the situation with a practical mindset. Before sending any message, consider the resources available. Perhaps the bride-to-be has a wedding website with an FAQ section or contact information for the wedding planner. A direct question, such as "Is there a possibility to add a guest?" may come across as demanding. Rather, express your excitement for the wedding and inquire about travel arrangements; this can naturally lead to a discussion about your boyfriend's potential attendance, as that would seem to be a natural question. This approach balances etiquette with a practical need for clarification.

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