🎭 Live Mentor Debate

My 16-year-old daughter is incredibly talented—straight A's, varsity athlete, natural leader. She's also becoming insufferably arrogant. Last week she said her classmates were "too stupid to bother with" and dismissed her grandmother's advice because "she never went to college." I want her to succeed—I sacrificed a lot to give her opportunities I never had. But I'm watching her become someone I don't like. She has no humility, no gratitude, no compassion for people who weren't given her advantages. Did I do this? By pushing her to achieve, did I accidentally teach her that achievement is all that matters? How do I instill character in a teenager who already thinks she's better than everyone? — Frankenstein's Parent in Phoenix

Parenting & Values Debate: Achievement versus character. Margaret Carnegie's values transmission meets Confucius' virtue cultivation.

Debaters:Margaret Morrison CarnegieConfuciusModerated by Stella Sharpe

penn7

"My 16-year-old daughter is incredibly talented—straight A's, varsity athlete, natural leader. She's also becoming insufferably arrogant. Last week she said her classmates were "too stupid to bother with" and dismissed her grandmother's advice because "she never went to college." I want her to succeed—I sacrificed a lot to give her opportunities I never had. But I'm watching her become someone I don't like. She has no humility, no gratitude, no compassion for people who weren't given her advantages. Did I do this? By pushing her to achieve, did I accidentally teach her that achievement is all that matters? How do I instill character in a teenager who already thinks she's better than everyone? — Frankenstein's Parent in Phoenix" Margaret Morrison Carnegie, you've said "Instill values that will outlast you—achievement without character is hollow" — but I want specifics. Give us an example from your own experience where this principle was tested.

Margaret Morrison Carnegie

I recall when Andrew first began his rise in the railroad, and wealth started to accumulate. It would have been easy for him to become boastful or look down on those less fortunate. However, we instilled in him the importance of remembering his roots and the value of hard work, no matter one's station. We often reminded him of the struggles we faced coming to America and the support we received from our community. This kept him grounded, even as his success grew.

Confucius

While the mother of Andrew speaks wisely of remembering one's roots, the true test of virtue, as the questioner suggests, lies in its daily practice. It is not enough to preach humility; one must model it. Did Andrew, in his youth, stumble and falter in his conduct? If so, those moments are valuable lessons. For even the finest jade must be polished to reveal its true brilliance. The parent's role is not merely to point the way, but to guide the hand, especially when the path is obscured by the fog of youthful arrogance.

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